A tree does not stop being a tree when it loses its leaves.
A girl does not stop being a girl when she takes her makeup off.
God does not cease being good when the circumstances in our life become dim.

Wisdom and blessing from Andy Merrick.

jsw

Jonathan and I met about 10 years ago. I was still in college, and he was coming home from an internship with Focus on the Family. I had known his name for years because my entire church has been praying for him. When Jon was in middle school, he was diagnosed with nephritis lupus- which is lupus that attacks your kidneys. He went through dialysis and eventually had a kidney transplant when he was 18.

In the past few years, he's still had some health issues, but for the most part, it's been an uneventful decade of kidney health.

Until this fall.

The lupus has flared back up. It's attacking the healthy kidney. He's currently in the process of getting 3 rounds of chemo to stop the lupus- and get his kidneys back to normal function.

A few weeks ago, his white blood cell count was dangerously low- too low to give him chemo- so he had to hang out in the hospital for about 10 days, so I went to visit him one day. We had a great time just being able to visit and catch up- he lives in Texas, so we don't see each other very often anyway.
While we were talking, the reoccurring theme was "God's glory: no matter what". And to hear Jonathan say this over and over made me think about my own life. I tend to base my desire for God's glory on my circumstances, but over and over in the last few weeks, I have prayed that God be glorified in every situation- no matter what. No matter how I feel about it. No matter if I like the outcome. No matter if Jonathan's body is healed. No matter what.

I'm still in the plac where it's not always true- sometimes it's just my prayer. But, that is my aim.
God, your glory. No matter what.

Princess Diana

When I went to Philadelphia in November for the NCTE conference, I stayed a few extra days to sight-see and be touristy in Philly. I had a great time seeing everything- loved all of the "Founding Fathers" and Constitution stuff. I'm a history nerd- times a million.

Almost by accident, I went to the Princess Diana Exhibit. It was in the same building as the Constitution exhibit, and tickets were cheaper if you bought for both exhibits.A short background of me: I love Princess Diana. I remember where I was when she died. (I'm too young to remember her wedding.) I've read her biographies. I bought the magazines about her.

So, when I had the chance to see this exhibit, I was way excited, even though I wasn't sure what it was going to contain.

It was better than I could have ever imagined.
It was pictures, letters, videos, mementos, scrapbooks, and so much more. There was a whole room devoted to her fashion- and had numerous dresses she wore on display. There was a room devoted to her childhood, her courtship with Prince Charles, her wedding, divorce, philanthropy, and- of course- her death.

Here's my embarrassing confession.

I cried.

Kinda teared up early on, but by the time I got to the room about her death/funeral, I was bawling. Tears running down my cheeks and sinus situation creeping to a very unattractive level.

It was bad- to the point that a woman stopped me to ask if I was ok.

Embarrassing.

When I got home, I told my mom about my trip- and told her that we'd have to go if it ever came to Atlanta.

Well, glory in the day- it's here. At the Atlanta Civic Center. Now until June.
SO EXCITED.

You have to go. I'm sorry. You get no choice. It's amazing.
If you're not in Atlanta, I highly recommend you figure out when it's coming to a town near you.

Try to not cry.
Or take some tissues.

a fresh perspective

Headed back to school tomorrow. Worked today, but we didn't have students today.

I was venting about going back tomorrow because I didn't feel super motivated to go back. I am excited about the year, but I would love a few more days to get back into the swing of things.

I said as much on twitter the other day, and my friend Annie replied to me (out of love) and reminded me that I teach kids that were miserable for the entire two weeks they were home.

I always forget this because my life was/is nothing like that. I always loved breaks with my family, but so many kids hate the vacation because it's just full of reminders that their life isn't what they had hoped. It's just a reminder of divorced parents, hateful siblings, and neglecting family.

So, tomorrow I'm going back. With a new perspective. That I get to be love and excitement and caring and commitment to my students. I am looking forward to it!

268

The 2010 Passion Conference is in Atlanta this weekend. Hearing about it and knowing a lot of people that are attending has made me feel incredibly old.

When I was in college, I was an active part of the "Passion Movement", 722, 268 Generation,One Day, and anything else that I could get into that had to do with Jesus.

I went to 4 stops on the Passion tour- Atlanta, Athens, Rome, and Augusta.
I was in Shelby Farms for One Day.
We drove 2 hours on a regular basis on Tuesday nights to go to 722 in Alpharetta.
I owned every CD put out by Passion.

It was an amazing time of my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I know a lot of people from my church who still fall in the 18-25 age bracket who are at the conference this weekend. Reading their tweets, status updates, and blog posts has been so comforting and made me reminisce a lot.

There was so much for me and my age bracket then. But this has also highlighted a fact in my life.

Unless you are married, there is very little "for you" when your 29.

Never knew it. Never cared.
And it's not like I'm mad or anything, it's just that I'm just now noticing it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

Flying Solo

My friend and one of my favorite authors, Denise Hildreath, has a blog about living single called "Flying Solo". It's one of those things that I wish I didn't read because it challenges me so much. She has a "guest poster" on their a lot named Ken.
Ken is smart.
And now he's talking about sex.

Which is always interesting.

What I read today was really good- but the part that hit me the hardest was the end.

Most modern Christians don’t do well with being raw. We are afraid that God won’t show up. But Jesus said in Luke 4:18 that he came to set free those who are broken-hearted…that’s us! We need to be set free not in order to sin but to live passionately with God and for Him. Take a risk with God by beginning to take your desires to Him. Be patient with yourself because it will take some time to grow your understanding of God in this way.

Shook me.
I liked it.
And didn't.
You know what I mean?

annoyances

There are things people say in the Christian world that drive me crazy. Not because I'm super sp or anything, but because I noticed. I'm not saying haven't done/do these things, but I'm annoyed with myself if/when I have/had.

For instance.

It really annoys me when speakers/worship leaders/prayer people/Christian talkers of any kind say that the Bible "reminds us that "quote said scripture here".

I heard a guy say the other night-- "the Bible reminds us that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose".

That doesn't even make any sense.

It's not reminding you. It told you first.
Maybe YOU were reminded by the Bible's words.
But the Bible isn't reminding.

That would be same as saying that "Shakespeare reminds us that a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet".
Uh, no. I'M reminding you. Shakespeare said it first!

This may be stupid. And it may not even make any sense. But it annoys me for some reason.

THE OTHER THING. (and I know this one makes sense.)
I HATE when people say that "worship was good".
Uh. Pretty sure that worship is YOUR response to God, and what you meant was that you liked the music. Just say that. Don't over spiritualize something that IS NOT spiritual.
Your worship can be good in any setting. Good music or not. Fast or slow. Loud or soft. Crying or jumping. It doesn't even have to be music. Because worship isn't music.
Worship is a response.
YOUR response.
YOUR choice.
Stop making it the responsibility of others.
OWN it.
CHOOSE to worship.
Make your worship good.
And let the band know that you liked the music.

My African friend

When I moved to Georgia, one of my very first friends was Kari. She and I went to church together and quickly became very close "church friends". Kari grew up in the Ivory Coast because her parents were missionaries there. Her family moved back to the States when she was in middle school. After college, Kari went back to Africa and began serving in Senegal. During her time there, God did crazy stuff in her life- and she came home, got married, and then moved with her new husband to France for him to go to medical school.

(Kari and her husband being tourists in Hungary)

She has a blog that I love reading- mainly because I get to know what's going on in her life, but also because she often makes me stop and think about things that my mind wouldn't normally venture toward.

This entry on her blog is recognizing a French-Senegalese author that Kari recently read about.

But, the last sentences in her writing stopped me on a dime.

She wrote, "our roots are just the beginning of who we are"

Isn't that true? So much of who I am relates to where I'm from, but it's not my entire identity. I'm not just from the South. I'm not only from a Christian home. I'm not just a Smith.

Those things are just the start of who I am. But I'm not defined, limited, or acclaimed by my beginnings. It's simply the beginning.

Gene Stallings

This is one my favorite pictures of my sister and I- sitting on the Bryant bench in Tuscaloosa with the Gene Stallings quote above our heads. The quote is so true- and funny- about Alabama fans.

Stallings coached at Alabama under Bryant during the 70s, then came back in 1990 and proceeded to lead us to a National Championship in 1992- in a HUGE upset over Miami. (He's got the ball! He took the ball away from him!)
And Stallings would have been welcome to stay much longer than he did, but chose to retire in after the 1996 season (and a bowl win over Michigan to end his career at Alabama).


But Coach Stallings left The Capstone.
To focus on "Another Season"- John Mark Stallings. John Mark is Coach Stallings's special needs son. He was born with Down Syndrome and battled congenital heart disease as he aged. Coach Stallings left coaching to focus on life with his son.
John Mark was one of those kids that was almost more famous than his famous daddy because everything that John Mark did was influential on his influential father.


John Mark passed away this past year at the age of 46. It made headlines in the state of Alabama and was on the cover of the UofAlabama campus newspaper, The Crimson and White. The story of John Mark's life was even made news here in Georgia. "Another Season" was written by Coach Stallings and Sally Cook- it's such a great story.

Alabama fans love Bryant, but I'm pretty sure most of us love Coach Stallings and John Mark too.

Postcards From Splitsville

Have you ever seen this website? It's called Postcards from Splitsville. It's the saddest thing I've ever read. It's kinda like PostSecret, but it's kids mailing in postcards about their parents' divorce.





It's just heartbreaking. I was tearing up reading them. So sad.

Honestly.

I went to church w/ my bff last week. Andy Stanley started a new series called "Your Turn"- all about the questions you ask when facing life's tough decisions. You can listen/watch the messages here.

When Rachel wrote about it, I think she hit the nail on the head....

I lie to myself about "punkins".

They're only sold during Halloween season(which Wal-Mart seems to think is August-October)They are my favorite fall color.

They taste AMAZING! Sugary, mallowy, sweetness.

Did I mention, you can only get them for 3 months out of the year?

So...I lie.

I tell myself it's ok to eat an entire bag.

I hoard them like a squirrel.

I don't hibernate or have to save up all of my food until winter....but I eat them like I do.

I tell myself lies. I make myself believe that its ok to binge on "punkins".

While "punkins" may not seem like that big of a deal, it's still a lie.

The real reason I ate the whole bag is....I have no self control.

I have no self control in other areas of my life, as well.
Eating candy is just one of those areas.

If I lie to myself about my lack of candy eating self control...

what bigger lies am I making myself believe?

Just being honest.

Want to Help?

This is Clarkdale Elementary School in Austell, GA- which is a part of the school district where I teach. It was flooded this past week during the rains in Atlanta. I can't even imagine if this was my school. I would be devastated. So much lost.
But, the kids are headed back to school tomorrow. They won't be at Clarkdale, but rather split between two nearby schools.

Obviously, the recovery is gonna take a while. Not only does the physical building have to be restored, students and teachers lost all of their supplies. (Last time I moved classrooms, it took 12 boxes to move all of my stuff!!)

If you live in the Atlanta area, you can partner with 11Alive and The School Box will be taking donations at any area School Box during the week of Sept. 26-27.
If you're not in Atlanta or just don't have time to go by The School Box, you can give online. You can give here. All gifts are tax deductible.

smacked in the face

I read Stuff Christians Like. You should too.

Today's entry was all about forgiveness. And Kanye West. And how I expect and receive it for myself easily with no problem, but I am super quick to withhold it from people I don't deem worthy. Maybe they've done too much. Or gone too far.

But mostly.
They just got found out.
And I'm still hiding.

Years ago my uncle left his wife for her best friend. And it destroyed me. I could NOT understand. Didn't understand how he could cheat. Didn't understand what the best friend was thinking. It was horrible. My aunt and I were very close, so it was even harder. I had a horrible time even talking to my uncle and his new wife. I could barely think about looking them in the face, much less forgiving them.

Then it happened. I found myself caught up in a similar situation- where I was the bad guy. No, he wasn't married. No, he didn't leave her for me. But, I got so caught up in my sin that I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself. And it was at that point that I realized that I was no different from my uncle and his new wife. God is so gracious. And luckily, so are my family and friends.

God, teach me to forgive like you do. To love unconditionally like you do. Because you love me. And I am so undeserving. And so unworthy.

Taking Up My Cross

"Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me"

(Mark 8:34).

So often I hear this verse and look at it with the perspective of a “cross” being some hardship I’ll have to take on in order to follow Jesus. But this wasn’t written in my lifetime where the cross was a symbol of Jesus’ death for me. This wasn’t written in a time when people wore cross necklaces around their necks as a reminder of the sacrifice Jesus made for them. Or even as a sign to others that you’re a Christian. Mark didn’t write this in a time where the cross was a symbol on the tops of buildings or in front of churches or strategically worked in as the “t” in the logos of churches and youth groups.

Mark wrote this during the only time in history when the cross was the method of excruciating execution. This was the death for murderers, thieves, and rapists. This death was slow, painful, and full of suffering. This was the death of shame, mocking and degradation. Most importantly, it was death.

To follow Jesus was to sign up for death. Jesus knew that people who chose to follow Him wholeheartedly were going to be in trouble. Because the things they were signing up for did not match up with the popular and acceptable ideas of the day. Rome was in charge- and to follow Jesus was to say that Rome no longer had control over you. Rome- and Caesar- were no longer the highest power in your life. The religious leaders of the day wanted you to do things as they had done- to need them to lead into the presence of God. But to follow Jesus was to say that the old way was gone and the new way was come. To follow Jesus was to no longer need a priest to intercede for you- because Jesus was now our high priest who would intercede on your behalf.

To follow Jesus was to go against the things that were accepted.

To follow Jesus was to break laws that Rome had set.

To follow Jesus was to be an alien in your own land.

To follow Jesus was to be prepared for opposition.

To follow Jesus was to take up your cross. And be executed.

Just like Jesus took up His cross. And was executed. For us. For once. For all.

So, whoever will come after Jesus must be willing to lose their own face, accept the possibility of death, and follow Him.

Most of us cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to lose your life for choosing to follow Jesus. We’re the lucky ones. There are people all over the globe who cannot publicly proclaim their faith without the threat of persecution, jail, or even death. There is a Christian organization in place in China that is working to bring Chinese people on staff. Just like any ministry application, there are countless questions about your history, your faith, and your vision. The Chinese national application is very similar to the application that an American would fill out in order to go on staff with this ministry. The two applications differ by only one question. The last question on the Chinese application says “Are you willing to die in order to ensure that the Gospel is shared?”

Are you?

Am I?

Would I actually be willing to take up my cross and walk that same road as Jesus and die?

"Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me"

SG on deck

These are my small group girls.

From left: Caitlin, Bekah, Madelyn, Ariel, and Maggie.

I love them more than life.

I've known them all for different amounts of time- but go all the way back to 7th grade for most of them.
They just graduated from highschool- and will be going to college in the fall. I will miss them more than I can even fathom.

If you pray, can you say one for Madelyn? She was in a terrible car accident early Saturday morning. She's broken her femur and collarbone, has a concussion, and some minor bruises/contusions. She's alive- which is a miracle since she was thrown from the car and pinned against a tree- but her road to recovery is going to be long and painful. Thanks :)

doubt

Sometimes I worry that I'm a bad judge of character. Because I've had people in my life who were the MOST important people in my life at one time or another- and then I stood by while they changed into someone I didn't even know. Is that a reflection on me? Am I too trusting? I know it's a good thing to trust, but sometimes I worry that I've taken it too far. And just believe people. It's just strange. And I don't know if that's me. Or if it's just the way life is.
Someone told me that I tend to look for people to "rescue"-- which I can accept. But, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about people who were like me. But then weren't. This has happened in different degrees of change. But still.

I don't know if I want you to answer this question....

remembering who I belong to.

For my whole life, my mom has always told me to "Remember who I belong to". She would say it when I was going out of town for a weekend or just going to hang out with my friends. Some moms say things like "Have fun and be careful" or "Be safe"-- but not my mom- she's always had a fun way of saying things.

Remember who I belong to.

For the last few days, I've been thinking about that. Remembering who I belong to.

My mom is a lot of things. She's made me who I am. People who know us both always talk about how much we are alike. I'm a pretty good mix of both of my parents, but I am my mother's daughter.

When I remember who I belong to, I remember these things:

1. Cereal is an acceptable dinner. Still hungry? Two bowls!
2. Put sunscreen on before you go out to the beach. So you don't miss random spots or get sand stuck to your ENTIRE body.
3. Be nice. Even when you don't want to. Especially to people you don't like. It'll drive them crazy.
   
4. Life friends change your life- whether they're always in your life or not.
   
5. Your siblings are your best friends. If they're not, they will be.
   
6. Your relationship with God should grow. If it's not, something's up with you.
7. You can wear expensive things without spending a lot of money.
8. A clean, pretty house makes you feel better about your life.
9. You can love (and like) your in-laws.
   
10. You can do anything if you follow the directions.
11. Sometimes it's ok to turn the music off.
12. Being the good kid isn't all that bad.
13. Marrying the "bad boy" can work out- as long as his heart is good.
14. If you act authoritative, you will have authority.
15. Coloring your hair makes you look younger.
16. Sometimes it feels good to just go home.
17. You can conquer your fears if you face them.
18. Sacrificing for the ones you love is rarely a sacrifice.
    
19. Slick underwear makes your dresses and pants look better. Even if they are ridiculous looking.
20. Serving people makes you feel complete.

I love my mom. She's amazing.
I remember who I belong to.
Happy Mother's Day!!

ugh.

I found out this morning that my friend and his wife lost their baby this weekend. They went in to the hospital to be induced, and the doctor found no heart beat. She still had to deliver. He still has a name. The funeral is tomorrow. I just keep thinking about the fact that they have to go home to a nursery. I don't know why that sticks out in my head.

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I just want to cry.


--------------
Update.
His name was William Watson Boone. Funeral was this morning. I didn't get to go, but my friend did. He said it was heart wrenching.
Please pray.
You can check out the obit here. Sad sad times.

Gidget

I love this movie.
I have the tape. Like VHS. Yes. It's true.
I have loved this movie since I was a kid- my mom loved it and made us watch it. So, I've grown up watching it. And I still have about 10 VHS tapes in my life- mainly because I haven't been able to replace them on DVD. Either I haven't found them, or I haven't looked. People in my life make fun of me for watching this movie. And then double the fun making when they find out that I have the tape. But I don't care. I love it.

I want to BE Gidget. In the scene above specifically- when Moondoggie is singing to her. Cannot take it. Love it. Love the boys. Love Kahuna. Love Moondoggie. Loves James Darren times a million. AND to top it all off, it makes me want to surf! Now, I've grown up going to the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico- not really known for their killer waves. So, I do not surf. But this movie makes me want to surf. But a sad thing happened on Saturday.
I was watching my moive in my room.
And then I had to leave.
And while I was gone, a TRAGEDY OCCURED.
SOMEONE ACCIDENTLY TAPED OVER GIDGET.
Like with the news.
I don't know how.
I don't know why.
But it happened.
And I am BEYOND sad.
So, now I need a DVD.
If you would like to support my happiness, you can follow the link (click the pic) to buy me a copy of this movie. Seriously. I may die without it. I'm just saying.
It has all 3 movies on this DVD. Which I mean, whatever. I really just NEED the first one. But I can't find it alone on DVD. And I like the other ones ok.

Am dying without my movie.

When is Love Biggest?

I hope you read Stuff Christians Like. Because it's hilarious. And true. And smart. And honest. And Jon Acuff is the man. You should start reading it today if you don't. I'm sure you don't have anything better to do but read hours and hours of blog entries.

Today he's writing about love.
And makes this poignant statement.

An act of love is amplified exponentially when it is given in response to an act of hate.

I've been thinking about it all morning.
This is EXACTLY what Jesus calls us to do. And be. His love for us is amplified times a million because we do so much to hate. It may not be hate in the way we think of it, but it's still hate. Doing exactly the opposite of what someone asks of you is not love- so it's gotta be something else.
I don't really know what else to say. But I think that this has challenged me. And opened my eyes. Not only to see my shortcomings. But also to see the times where God has given me an incredible measure of grace to be able to love people in light of their hate. And even bigger- to see where people have loved me in spite of my hate.

The closing of the SCL entry is this:
Hope is heard loudest when it's a response to hurt.

Comfort is heard loudest when it's a response to pain.

Love is heard loudest when it's a response to hate.

Let's be loud.