Sunday, December 16, 2012

fear and heartbreak

I doubt I can offer any words of wisdom or comfort in light of the mass murder of innocent children and adults in Connecticut this past Friday. I was at work on Friday when I started reading about what was happening. I would read a little bit, and then cry some more about the whole thing. Students would ask me why I was crying, and I didn't want to be the one who told them, so I just told them that there had been a shooting. I couldn't imagine being the one to tell 12 and 13 year olds that little kids had been murdered at school.

However, now they know. And they're coming back to me tomorrow.

My heart is heavy tonight as I think about seeing my students tomorrow. My heart is heavy thinking about the thought someone hurting them. My heart is heavy thinking about their fear of being at school. My heart is heavy thinking about parents who will bury their children this week. My heart is heavy because there are Christmas presents hidden in closets that will never be opened. My heart is heavy because there are children who lost their mothers. My heart is heavy because teachers died doing their job.

I cannot fathom what Friday was like at Sandy Hook Elementary. I cannot fathom the fear that the children and adults felt. I cannot fathom the pain as they watched their friends and students and teachers die.

I love my job. I love my students. Even the ones who drive me absolutely crazy and make me want to punch a wall. I would protect them without hesitation. I just don't think I'll ever have to.

But last Friday, teachers gave their lives for their students. Teachers lost their students they loved.

My heart is heavy.