My dad (who makes me laugh every day) wrote this months ago. It his hilarious. Especially if you've ever been a part of a band. My dad is a bass guitar player, and he's been playing professionally since he was 14. I'm just a singer, but it's still funny.
How a bass player ranks drummers:
1. Do they show up?
2. Do they have most of their gear?
3. Are they sober enough to put what gear they have together?
4. In time for the show?...
5. Without falling into the kit?
6. Can they count the song off?
7. In the proper time signature?
8. Does the pattern they play have any relation to the song?
9. Can they play a one-bar fill that actually lasts for four beats, not five?
10. Having played a five-beat fill, do they recognize their error?
11. Having recognized it, can they fix it?
12. Without having to stop?
13. During the break, do they hit on your girlfriend?
14. Does she respond?
15. Do they come back? (Note: this may not necessarily be a good thing.)
16. Finally, at the end of the gig, do they hang around to pack up gear?
17. If not, do they pack up their own gear before leaving?
18. If not, does your girl friend leave with them?
19. If so, do they ask if they can borrow your car?
20. If so, do they ask for $20 for gas?