los does it again

I've told you before about my (web-based) friend Carlos Whitaker. He writes Ragamuffin Soul, leads worship, and rocks a v-neck. I have been encouraged, challenged, rocked by the things he says and does. My favorite thing about him is his incredible recognition of his own imperfection.

Today's post is called "God's Power, Prayer, and Paxil". I HIGHLY recommend you read it, but it made me recall my own mental health battles.

As a junior in college, I had a complete break down. I was depressed. I can word it a lot of ways and give a lot of reasons, but the bottom line is that I was clinically depressed.

My friends and family were incredibly supportive, and I've never been shy about telling people.
BUT.
I do feel like there is still a moment of shock when I tell people. Because I'm a happy person, right?! and happy people aren't depressed! right?!
For me, depression had nothing to do with happiness. It was about isolation, hopelessness, and heartbreak. I could turn on the "good times" when I needed to, but those moments of true introspection always revealed my own pain.

I've not had to be on the meds for a long time now, but it is still a constant battle and awareness. I have to keep a strong check on my own emotions bc I know I can easily be back in the same place. Not that the place is bad- it's just not my desire.

I loved that Carlos talked about the fact that the church needs to change the stigma associated with mental health issues. It's not about someone's faith or prayer life- or a question on the power of God. Most people are ok with me taking asthma meds- they don't encourage me to pray more to overcome my asthma. So why is it different with mental health?

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi

jsw

Jonathan and I met about 10 years ago. I was still in college, and he was coming home from an internship with Focus on the Family. I had known his name for years because my entire church has been praying for him. When Jon was in middle school, he was diagnosed with nephritis lupus- which is lupus that attacks your kidneys. He went through dialysis and eventually had a kidney transplant when he was 18.

In the past few years, he's still had some health issues, but for the most part, it's been an uneventful decade of kidney health.

Until this fall.

The lupus has flared back up. It's attacking the healthy kidney. He's currently in the process of getting 3 rounds of chemo to stop the lupus- and get his kidneys back to normal function.

A few weeks ago, his white blood cell count was dangerously low- too low to give him chemo- so he had to hang out in the hospital for about 10 days, so I went to visit him one day. We had a great time just being able to visit and catch up- he lives in Texas, so we don't see each other very often anyway.
While we were talking, the reoccurring theme was "God's glory: no matter what". And to hear Jonathan say this over and over made me think about my own life. I tend to base my desire for God's glory on my circumstances, but over and over in the last few weeks, I have prayed that God be glorified in every situation- no matter what. No matter how I feel about it. No matter if I like the outcome. No matter if Jonathan's body is healed. No matter what.

I'm still in the plac where it's not always true- sometimes it's just my prayer. But, that is my aim.
God, your glory. No matter what.

Faking It

Did you read Post Secret yesterday? If so, you saw this picture:

Obviously, I immediately googled it. You can read it yourself here: http://makebelievemormon.blogspot.com/

I had a bunch of Mormon friends in high school, and I knew a few people convert to Mormonism so they could get married. This is not something I'd ever even consider, so it was always fascinating to me that people would actually change their entire belief system for marriage. I guess my personal beliefs are too strong for this to be an option.

But, it made me think- How many people who change religions for a spouse are actually only just "faking it"?